The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
