we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
