Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
