you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
