Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
