Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
