You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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