my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
