Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
