you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
