I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
