Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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