She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just googled if crying burns calories
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
