my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
