my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
