I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
