**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
