Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
