what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
