So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
