dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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