And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
whose ass print is on the piano?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
