In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
