Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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