Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
