Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think people are normalizing furries
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
