I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
