On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
