What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
