i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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