Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
