i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
