bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
