i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
