btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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