So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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