The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
