Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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