But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
