A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
