Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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