Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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