tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
