I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
