i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
