I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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