This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
