There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
