don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
