Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
