so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
