so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Vodka?
Forever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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