rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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