Define "chronic" masturbator.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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